WARNING: Sappy Content Ahead, read at your own risk.
Ever since I was a little girl, I prayed to God to give me someone just for me. I spent weeks, months and years thinking about the perfect husband and how my life would be when I got older. I would find myself trying to guess who the man would be, would he have light hair or dark hair? Would he be athletic or more nerdy? Would he love my family like I love mine? Would he accept all my quirky behaviors? I daydreamed about this mysterious person I’d find one day. I prayed I’d never have to experience divorce, as a victim of divorce, I knew how it could affect everyone involved.
I prayed mainly that he’d be who God wanted for me and made exactly to fit me. I prayed for the man who was made up of part of my soul. And through the years, I found people I would hope could be him. I wanted them to fit into the tiny box I created in my head that would be THAT man. And they never did quite fit. That was, until I found Stephen.
He’s in no way a perfect person. And he’d agree (this is not a dig at him whatsoever). He has flaws. He makes me angry sometimes. He annoys me sometimes. I do the same to him. But I found the man that perfectly fit into that box I was trying to squeeze everyone else into. Stephen is the epitome of my “dream guy”. When we first got together I always waited for the other shoe to drop. When he’d figure out I’m not what he wanted and see how weird I was and want to walk away. I thought surely he’d get tired of me. I’m not normal. I never have been. I write a lot, I obsess over things, I literally could get so wound up in a book that I won’t talk for hours after I finish it because I’m still thinking about how the book ended. I have little patience on certain things and I am very intense. I would say emotional, but that’s not how I would describe it. Basically, I feel everything 1000x more than normal people. When I’m sad, I’m inconsolable. When I’m angry, I light fires with my anger. When I’m happy, I’m hyper and super excited about minuscule things. I’ve always been that way. And for a long time I thought that meant there was something wrong with me. And that must be why no one would stay around for very long. But what I have now realized is, it was God’s way of making me learn how to BE patient. He had already created someone who was my other half, someone who filled in the parts of me to even out who I was. And that was Stephen. Where I am super serious, Stephen is full of life and laughter. When I am in a bad mood or taking life way too seriously, he’s always the one cracking a joke or making me laugh. He softens the jagged edges of who I am. Where I am more cautious, he’s the one who is adventurous and wants to explore everything and try new things. And I balance him out too. He says I keep him grounded when it’s needed. I give him someone to come home to and have peace and quiet. But also someone who will giggle and laugh until two in the morning with him over some movie we are watching or some story he tells me. In the past couple years we have been together, we have taken on some of the others’ traits. We talk a lot alike, we think the same things, we finish each others sentences, we like the same movies/tv shows, we enjoy the same activities. It’s crazy. I have never in my life been so in sync with another human being. He may not be perfect but he is literally perfect to me. All I see when I look at him is this handsome, strong, loving man who I feel so lucky to call my husband.
And a main point that I want you to get about this, is it took mistakes and ups and downs to get here. It also took several WRONG people. It took growing up. It took loss. It took respect. And there is no time frame to find this “person” for you. They could come in two days, two years or they could already be in your life. The beauty about it all, is the waiting. The things you get to look back on and realize why other people did not work and the life lessons you learned along the way that made this relationship be the ultimate one. And you can still be badass on your own. The best part about Stephen and I is that we are still individuals. He encourages the things that make me ME. He encourages me to write. He encourages me to explore things that make me happy. He doesn’t try to change me. He encouraged me to find myself, by myself. He allows me to be unapologetically me.
So, this is my thank you letter to him:
Thank you for being the man you are today. Thank you for being my #1 fan, for always supporting me. Thank you for respecting me and loving me for over 3 years. Thank you for not giving up on us at the first sign of struggles or issues. Thank you for standing by my side through my own ups and downs. Thank you for working so hard to provide for us. Thank you for always saying yes to me, you literally would do anything to make me happy (to an extent) and that’s something I would never take advantage of (unless I am trying to ask for a dog). Thank you for spending nights letting me cry about things that upset me. Thank you for accepting my flaws and cherishing them instead of making me feel different. Thank you for allowing me to pursue things I love without judgement. Thank you for going to church with me and praying with me every night. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life and see life through your eyes. Thank you for loving my family as your own. Thank you for putting up with my sarcasm and attitude. Thank you for giving me “tough love” when its needed, because lets face it, sometimes I do. Thank you for fighting for us. Thank you for wanting to be the man of my dreams. Thank you for always making me smile. Thank you for always considering my needs and my thoughts. Thank you for making me feel like your equal. Thank you for wanting to give me the world. You are literally the best thing to ever happen to me. I would go through all of the heart ache, loss, and pain of things I endured in my life if I knew I would still always have you to end up with. You have made me the happiest woman in the world. I am not a sappy person. Affection freaks me out most of the time, I even hate hugs. I don’t like when people cry over things like engagements or wedding vows. I am awkward when it comes to those things. But with you, none of those things bother me. Your hugs make me feel like I can breathe better. Your vows actually made me tear up (I still didnt cry though haha). And I become this incredibly sentimental woman. I brag about you and talk about you all the time. On social media, at my office, with my friends… your name doesn’t ever not come out of my mouth. I know some people find how much I love you annoying. And that’s fine, they can be bitter or not understand. But when you find that one person in your heart that you are certain was completely made just for you, you want to tell literally everyone. You never get tired of talking about them and bragging about how amazing they are to anyone who will listen. Mainly because you are just SO proud that they are yours. I still melt like chocolate when I see you. My stomach still gets butterflies sometimes. I am so proud of who you are as a person and how much love you have in your heart. I feel like I hit the jackpot with you. You have everything and more that I could ask for in a husband. And I finally get to call you that. You are my husband… and I couldn’t think of a better accomplishment than being able to say I am your wife. You continue to amaze me with your selflessness and strength. I could only hope to give you half of what you have given me. I hope our kids that we will have one day take after you and have your child-like heart and love for everyone around them. I couldn’t think of a better person than you to share all of life’s blessings with. I couldn’t picture a better dad for my future children. I am excited every day to come home to you. I can’t wait to see all of the amazing things we get to do together as a family. Finally, I feel at home. And I only have you to thank for it.
With all my love,